Cme4me

Tired from the holidays

2008-12-28T20:22:00.003-06:00

And New Year's Isn't even here yet

Just Thinking

2008-12-28T20:04:00.002-06:00

I wish there was a pill to cause amnesia. Just something that could give you selective memory. Something to help you forget.

Someone said... Insanity is doing the same thing, the same way and expecting different results. The new year is approaching fast and I don't want to be insane anymore.

I know that if I keep being his "friend" I will never actually get over him. I know that if I allow him to do what he wants, then he will just call on occasion (when he's bored) and not think about me the rest of the time.

What's a girl to do? I don't want to go through this again.

Tired

2008-08-15T17:09:00.004-05:00

Its probably my fault. Somethings I should have learned a long time ago.

I expect people to be like me. Real and honest. I think that because I am transparent other people should be as well. I know that everyone is not like me. I am learning that I am very different than most people I know (female and male).

When I say this is me. Just as I am, I really mean that. No hidden agenda. No ulterior motives. No games.

This is me. I am not going to be one person today and a different person tomorrow. I am the same person when we are cool as I am when we have fallen out.

I know I am accommodating, but I am not going to apologize for that. It's just who I am. And I am not changing!

PHENOMENAL WOMAN by Maya Angelou

2008-06-08T03:09:00.002-05:00

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I'm not cute or built to suit a model's fashion size
But when I start to tell them
They think I'm telling lies.
I say
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips
The stride of my steps
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please
And to a man
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees
Then they swarm around me
A hive of honey bees.
I say
It's the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth
The swing of my waist
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say
It's in the arch of my back
The sun of my smile
The ride of my breasts
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say
It's in the click of my heels
The bend of my hair
The palm of my hand
The need for my care.
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

Just Thinking

2007-11-10T17:16:00.000-06:00

The Final Edition

2007-11-10T15:58:00.001-06:00

Our 6 month fling he threw away
Like yesterday's newspaper.
Without any regard to how I would feel
because he wasn't willing to read anymore.

He used to love my Local Section
daily monitoring my inner city news.
He kept up with my State Section too
making sure not to look over any of my major areas.

He read my Sports Section daily
Keeping up with the latest highlights.
The Business Section he always read first
He says "Handle your business 1st & then you can play all you want."

My Entertainment section was one of his favorites
he made sure to visit all the hotspots in the area.
He even paid attention to my editorial page
like what I thought really meant something to him.

Then one day maybe he thought he saw us in the obituaries
or maybe he glanced at the marriage announcements and panicked.
Maybe he read the family section
and decided to give his son's mom another try.

Whatever the case he threw me away
like yesterday's newspaper.
Didn't even bother to pick up today's
counting on tomorrow's edition to be better.

This is the final edition of la cosa nostra
Goodbye

The Heart of the Matter

2007-11-09T17:17:00.001-06:00

What my heart knew was right, was wrong.

What it knew was good, was bad.

What it knew was forever, was temporary.

What it knew was real, was fake.

What it knew was true, was false.

What it knew was special, was ordinary.

What it knew was for me, was not.

So my heart just lied to me. Over and over again. It made me believe in a fairy tale, which I know doesn't exist.

So now I don't know anything. I pray that I don't rebuild the walls that were blocking access to my heart. It's kind of hard not to though.

I gave him my heart. He didn't know how to take care of it. So here I am picking up the pieces. Super gluing them back together. Hoping it doesn't make my heart to hard for the guy that God created to take care of it in the first place.

Have to forgive him for not knowing any better. That's my fault to, probably should have done some type of investigation or background check. Need new memories to replace the existing ones, so that I am not always remembering the past.

He wasn't ready or willing. That's not something I can change, I accept what is, is.

I don't know what the future holds. "If you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it. If it comes back, love it forever." (Doug Horton) Experience tells me to let go and move on, cause they never come back. Maybe like the others, he'll patch things up with his ex and they'll live happily ever after.

What I really want to know is, if you can't trust your heart, what can you trust?

1 Corinthians 13

2007-10-26T17:18:00.002-05:00

Love

If I speak in the tonguesof men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Give Me Strength

2007-10-17T17:21:00.000-05:00

I'm tired! Tired of people saying one thing and doing something else. Tired of people not knowing what they want in a relationship or companion or life in general. Tired of loving someone who hasn't learned how to return that love. Tired of being understanding to people who don't appreciate the effort. Tired of trusting, non-trusting people. Tired of thinking, just maybe, this time it really will be different. Tired of wanting what's not available. Tired of hoping and having those hopes crushed. I'm tired. Tired of being tired.

Lord give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change....

Friends

2007-10-10T23:40:00.001-05:00

I thought this time would be different.

I wasn't looking for him, he found me

I told him I was only interested in someone with possibilities, he agreed

He was honest, real, independent, strong protective, caring, supportive

He was my make me believer, joy bringer, love giver, pleasure releaser, caretaker, kiss craver, encourager, teacher

Then without warning he no longer wanted to be with me and needed time to figure out what we wanted

Everything I wanted was taken away with the words I think we should just be friends

21 Days

2007-08-21T00:11:00.000-05:00

You look like my type"

That's how this began

"That's cute" I Said

Thinking what's up with this man

He said he'd been watching me

And liked the way I carried myself

This dude is a stalker, I'm thinking

As I grabbed a snicker off the shelf

I Gave him my number,

But didn't expect him to call

Asked his age and then figured

He &my sister could have a ball

Since the 1st conversation

I've talked to him everyday

"Good mornings", "good nights"

And texting just to say "hey"

He's met my sisters

And he's met my son

I've met a lot of his family

Even though this has just begun

We are just friends

Just letting things flow

But I like him, I like what we share

and it much too soon I know

The chemistry between us is great

We just clicked from the start

He's charming, understanding, a winner

and has a good heart

This thing of ours

Is something I like

Even though it's only been 21 days

"La cosa nostra" feels so right.

Lost and Found

2007-06-08T17:19:00.000-05:00

When I finally stopped looking

It was then I was found

He had been checking me out

And had seen me around

He noticed how I looked

How I walked, talked and smiled

How I dressed, how I acted

He paid attention for a while

When we met he said

He was not like any other

But I had heard that before

From some lame trifling brothers

As I was talking to God

Telling him what I wanted in a man

I listed several things

Trying to be as specific as I can

I asked for him to be

Really understanding and smart

To be funny, hard-working, nice looking

With a good heart

Someone who wasn't afraid

To give me his all

Someone I could trust to catch me

If ever I fall

He needed to be honest

And open to new things

Not afraid to be a man

Or dream big dreams

I want us to laugh and dance

To sing and to play

He needs to be caring

And know just what to say

I want the possibilities

The what if's and what can be's

I want a relationship

That's stress and drama free

He'll let me be me

And accept me just that way

I'll spoil him and cater to him

And appreciate him every day

I want to be his backbone

His cheerleader, his support

I want to feel safe

Wrapped in his arms for comfort

Relationships should be easy

Or so I've been told

With him everything works

So on him I am sold

@ Rhythem

Once Upon A Time

2007-02-21T01:26:00.000-06:00

I don't believe in fairy tales.
There is no happily ever after.
Prince Charming is not waiting on his black horse to sweep me off my feet.
People don't meet accidentally and fall in love.
Relationships don't last forever.
Kissing a frog is not going to turn him into my Prince.
I can't click my heels three times and wish I were home.
Maybe these things happen in Never, Never land, but then again
I don't believe in fairy tales.